Final Reflection: Where This Left Me

When I started this project, I thought I was doing something pretty straightforward. I was trying to make the Bible easier to approach for anyone who might be curious but intimidated or skeptical. Kinda like I’d always been.

I didn’t expect it to turn into something more personal than that.

A few weeks into it, a neighbor of mine, a devout Catholic, used a phrase that stuck with me. He called it “me-search.” Not research. Not outreach. Me-search. He wasn’t dismissive at all. He was identifying something I hadn’t heard before but fit perfectly.

This project wasn’t about building an audience or making a point. It was about working through questions I’ve been asking for a long time. And more specifically, about trying to be more intentional as a husband and a dad. About stepping into spiritual leadership in my own home without pretending I have answers I don’t.

That reframing made a lot of sense to me, especially on the days when it felt like I was mostly talking to myself.

Along the way, I’ve had a few conversations that shaped how I think about all of this.

I had lunch recently with a pastor who reminded me that choosing a church isn’t about finding the perfect teacher or the most compelling personality. Pastors come and go. Community is what’s important. And whether I like it or not, I’m the primary spiritual leader of my family. That responsibility doesn’t disappear just because I’m undecided or still learning.

That hit home.

I also had a long conversation with a former coworker I respect deeply. He’s thoughtful, skeptical, and not easily impressed. At one point he asked me, very calmly, how I actually answered my son’s question: “How am I supposed to believe this?”

I didn’t have a smooth, well rehearsed, well thought-out answer. Of course I still don’t. I know I believe in Jesus and His divinity. I’m drawn to His life and teaching. But I struggle with a lot of the Old Testament. I’m grateful that I have a bit of a better grasp of the historical narrative but still uncomfortable with some of the claims about God, especially His wrath. Saying that out loud felt exposing, but it also felt honest.

Then there’s the weirder part of this that I’ve wrestled with more than I expected.

The engagement has been minimal, and that’s generous. A couple of thoughtful friends. My wife. That’s mostly it. I’ve gone back and forth on how to feel about that. It’s not exactly an ego hit, but it’s something adjacent. A strange mix of vulnerability, humility, and mild embarrassment that’s hard to pin down. The intent was never to grow this large online audience, not at all. So it’s not about missing on expectations that I had laid out for myself…it’s more the hope that I would’ve engaged in more conversations along the way.

I’ve also wondered how this looks from the outside. How many people scroll past and roll their eyes. How many assume I’ve suddenly turned into someone I’m not. I don’t want to be reduced to “the Bible guy.” I don’t want faith to become the only thing people see when they look at me. I’m not a born again Christian whose only focus is Jesus and I’ll never be an evangelist. At the same time, I don’t want to hide it or pretend it isn’t something that I think about and is a part of my family’s life.

That’s a lane I’m figuring out how to live in.

What I do know is that this project clarified something important. I’m not trying to convince anyone of anything. I’m trying to pay attention and be more thoughtful. To model curiosity instead of certainty for my kids and show them that faith doesn’t require having everything nailed down.

I don’t feel more finished after doing this. If anything, I feel more aware of how much I don’t know. But I also feel more grounded than I did before. I’m more comfortable having faith be part of my family’s life, but in a way that keeps an 11 and 9 year old interested (at least mildly) and curious…not forcing it on them.

This series has also pushed me to think seriously about community. I’ve hesitated to join a traditional Bible study because I’m drawn more to conversation than curriculum. A group of men who use the Bible as a tool, not the entire agenda. A place to talk honestly about life, family, work, faith, and the things we’re all trying to navigate. I’m not sure where that is yet. I may need to find it. Or create it.

If this series didn’t reach many people, that’s okay. It did what it needed to do for me. It sparked something in my wife. It gave me a few more tools in the toolbox for conversations with my kids. It forced me to slow down and actually wrestle with the text instead of skimming past it.

If you’ve read along at any point, thank you! And if you’re interested please reach out! I’d love to hear about your thoughts. Or maybe reconnect with an old friend, if that’s you!