Why Do I Let Fear Make Decisions for Me?

I wish this was a question I asked only when I was younger, but the truth is I still ask it now.

There have been jobs I didn’t go for. Conversations I avoided. Risks I backed away from. Even whole seasons of my life where I sat on the sidelines because I was afraid of getting it wrong.

And most of the time, the fear didn’t feel like panic or terror. It was just quiet self-doubt. Overthinking. As the voice that says, “What if you’re not ready? Or, “What if you fail?” Or, “What if you look stupid?”

Fear usually doesn’t scream at you. It whispers. And half the time you don’t even realize you’re listening to it.

Numbers is basically an entire book about this feeling.

Bible Connection

In Numbers 13, Moses sends twelve spies to scout the land God promised them. They all see the same reality:

“The land is good.” “The cities are strong.” “The people are large.”(Numbers 13:27–28)

So far, so reasonable.

But then fear steps in. Not facts. Not logic. Fear.

And the ten of the spies say what they're really thinking:

“We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”(Numbers 13:33)

That sentence is wild.

Not “They’re too big” or “We’re too small.”

But “We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes.”

They were defeated long before the battle. Fear made the decision for them.

And because of that fear, the entire nation turns back. They wander for forty years. Not because God abandoned them. Not because they lacked ability. Because they believed the wrong story about themselves.

Joshua and Caleb saw the exact same giants, but something in them refused to let fear be the deciding voice. They didn’t pretend it was easy. They didn’t deny reality. They simply didn’t shrink inside of it.

Reflection for You (and me)

I wish I had an easy answer for how to shut fear off. I don’t.

Some days I still let it steer the whole ship.

Other days I recognize it earlier. I hear myself starting to shrink and think, “Oh. There it is.”

What I’m learning is that fear doesn’t go away when you ignore it. Fear loses power when you see it for what it is and move forward anyway.

And sometimes the difference between wandering in circles and moving forward is simply recognizing which voice you’re letting make the decision.

A few honest questions that help me slow down:

• What fear is actually driving this decision?

• Is the story I’m telling myself true, or just familiar?

• Am I reacting to reality or to a feeling?

• Am I shrinking myself before anyone else even has a chance to?

  
  

Joshua and Caleb didn’t feel fearless. They simply refused to let fear be in charge. I want that for myself. I want my kids to feel that same way. And maybe you want it too.

Talk About This

If you want to spark a real conversation with your kids, or with yourself, try this:

“What’s one thing I’ve avoided because I was afraid of what might happen?”

You don’t need a long discussion. Sometimes one honest sentence opens the door.

Fear is not the enemy. Letting fear decide everything is.

And if the Israelites’ story teaches anything, it is this:

The path forward often begins when you stop viewing yourself as small.

When you stop calling yourself a grasshopper.